Apr 21, 2022·edited Apr 21, 2022Liked by Elizabeth Aquino
I will get back to you on that last question after I dive into Federici a bit. Sounds like a great workshop. Seattle is a strong, if not great, place for “out of the mainstream” educative, eye opening opportunities. A course I took while living there, in “ Minority mental health” was taught by an Asian woman whose name escapes me at the moment. The class was probably one of the two most impactful and useful classes for my work as a social worker as My career developed. What made it so, was that we essentially got an education about the context of each groups life rather than some pablum about what it means to be Mexican for example, I.e., machismo, etc. A Native American elder, a Mexican professor, and various other members of different communities came in as presenters. As you might imagine, I had another opportunity to open my eyes to what was out there to what life was really like for folks. Anyway I’m getting on too Long. Thank you. For sharing your life.
But my fury is directed at the person who initiated this legal action and who knows good and goddamned well the the time and costs required for Sophie’s care including the time overlaps between you and Sophie’s other caregiver.
I will check out Silvia for sure. I've not heard of her work before reading your post here.
The account of your time in the courtroom is devastating. Perhaps it would have been helpful for the judge to "understand" how the ex's job (or, indeed the judge's), income, and earning prospects would have been transformed if caregiving had been his responsibility. I wonder how closely he/they would have scrutinized that two hours.
Stan was daubing himself in Willful Ignorance and hoping the patriarchy would buy it. God this made me steamed. I'm glad Silvia appeared to you. You often appear to me.
It makes my blood boil to hear the idiocy of these court people. Our work as women, caring for our children, our children with extraordinary needs, is dismissed like a fly in the room. I bet no one asked your ex to report on every minute of his day.
That judge sounds astonishingly obtuse. I guess he thought you were drinking martinis and watching "Dancing With the Stars." (AND SO WHAT IF YOU WERE?!?!)
Almost every bit of the labor I've done in my life is unpaid. Or, to be absolutely honest, I trade some of it for room and board, albeit in a very nice place. I have thought about this all my years and I suppose I've come to some sort of uneasy and sometimes slightly resentful acceptance of it, knowing that yes indeed, this is absolutely what I am doing with my one life, precious or not.
Women have definitely been screwed over for centuries. Perhaps there was a time, who knows, maybe it's just wishful thinking, but maybe there was a time when women's work was valued. My husband appears to live in the past, we've had fights about this, his lack of involvement in running a household.
As for the lawyer of your ex husband ( I spit on the ground), and your ex husband ( I spit on the ground), fuck them. If women didn't exist, if we didn't do the work we do, if we quit one day, the world would grind to a halt. It happened in Iceland.
As if working outside of the Home and Full Time Extreme Caregiving isn't ENOUGH, they have the audacity to question a brief GAP as if any respite is a Sin! How much of the Caregiving duties does the Ex actually participate in when he's not at work, how much Him Time does he enjoy every day of his Life post-divorce... and then KNOW how devoted you are to your Daughter, who is his Daughter... and it all just makes me Angry that the Court System is more supportive of the non-custodial Parent in these situations where the Child should always be THE priority... and it's clear whose using said Child as a Pawn to get out of Legal Obligations. I never received a Penny of the Court Ordered Child Support my ex was supposed to pay for our Special Needs Son... he's 36 now and The State of AZ still sends me Mail whining about how much he owes THEM and didn't pay, in the way of Medical/Mental Health Services said Child required and they had to fund when my Employee Insurance capped out on Lifetime Disability benefits I could get covered. Capitalism at it's worst is always all about Money and not about People at all... the Unpaid Caregiver being a handy scapegoat to exploit as much as they can get away with. I have our 21 Year Old Schizophrenic Grandson back at Home becoz he was always Homeless and not always able to Qualify for basic benefits and cannot Care for himself. His Partner has to Work and it was sometimes too much for Allen, so it's good they're here with us as backup now, but it's all on our Dime, to assist them, since the State denies, denies, denies... DES saying SSI should pay and back and forth since nobody wants to cover him and meet him at his Point of Need even tho' he'll always be a Vulnerable Adult unable to support himself.
I will get back to you on that last question after I dive into Federici a bit. Sounds like a great workshop. Seattle is a strong, if not great, place for “out of the mainstream” educative, eye opening opportunities. A course I took while living there, in “ Minority mental health” was taught by an Asian woman whose name escapes me at the moment. The class was probably one of the two most impactful and useful classes for my work as a social worker as My career developed. What made it so, was that we essentially got an education about the context of each groups life rather than some pablum about what it means to be Mexican for example, I.e., machismo, etc. A Native American elder, a Mexican professor, and various other members of different communities came in as presenters. As you might imagine, I had another opportunity to open my eyes to what was out there to what life was really like for folks. Anyway I’m getting on too Long. Thank you. For sharing your life.
I can be mad at the lawyer - and I am.
I can be frustrated with the judge - and I am.
But my fury is directed at the person who initiated this legal action and who knows good and goddamned well the the time and costs required for Sophie’s care including the time overlaps between you and Sophie’s other caregiver.
So now I hate him.
I will check out Silvia for sure. I've not heard of her work before reading your post here.
The account of your time in the courtroom is devastating. Perhaps it would have been helpful for the judge to "understand" how the ex's job (or, indeed the judge's), income, and earning prospects would have been transformed if caregiving had been his responsibility. I wonder how closely he/they would have scrutinized that two hours.
Stan was daubing himself in Willful Ignorance and hoping the patriarchy would buy it. God this made me steamed. I'm glad Silvia appeared to you. You often appear to me.
It makes my blood boil to hear the idiocy of these court people. Our work as women, caring for our children, our children with extraordinary needs, is dismissed like a fly in the room. I bet no one asked your ex to report on every minute of his day.
I will check out Federici. I will.
That judge sounds astonishingly obtuse. I guess he thought you were drinking martinis and watching "Dancing With the Stars." (AND SO WHAT IF YOU WERE?!?!)
Almost every bit of the labor I've done in my life is unpaid. Or, to be absolutely honest, I trade some of it for room and board, albeit in a very nice place. I have thought about this all my years and I suppose I've come to some sort of uneasy and sometimes slightly resentful acceptance of it, knowing that yes indeed, this is absolutely what I am doing with my one life, precious or not.
Women have definitely been screwed over for centuries. Perhaps there was a time, who knows, maybe it's just wishful thinking, but maybe there was a time when women's work was valued. My husband appears to live in the past, we've had fights about this, his lack of involvement in running a household.
As for the lawyer of your ex husband ( I spit on the ground), and your ex husband ( I spit on the ground), fuck them. If women didn't exist, if we didn't do the work we do, if we quit one day, the world would grind to a halt. It happened in Iceland.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1975_Icelandic_women%27s_strike
As if working outside of the Home and Full Time Extreme Caregiving isn't ENOUGH, they have the audacity to question a brief GAP as if any respite is a Sin! How much of the Caregiving duties does the Ex actually participate in when he's not at work, how much Him Time does he enjoy every day of his Life post-divorce... and then KNOW how devoted you are to your Daughter, who is his Daughter... and it all just makes me Angry that the Court System is more supportive of the non-custodial Parent in these situations where the Child should always be THE priority... and it's clear whose using said Child as a Pawn to get out of Legal Obligations. I never received a Penny of the Court Ordered Child Support my ex was supposed to pay for our Special Needs Son... he's 36 now and The State of AZ still sends me Mail whining about how much he owes THEM and didn't pay, in the way of Medical/Mental Health Services said Child required and they had to fund when my Employee Insurance capped out on Lifetime Disability benefits I could get covered. Capitalism at it's worst is always all about Money and not about People at all... the Unpaid Caregiver being a handy scapegoat to exploit as much as they can get away with. I have our 21 Year Old Schizophrenic Grandson back at Home becoz he was always Homeless and not always able to Qualify for basic benefits and cannot Care for himself. His Partner has to Work and it was sometimes too much for Allen, so it's good they're here with us as backup now, but it's all on our Dime, to assist them, since the State denies, denies, denies... DES saying SSI should pay and back and forth since nobody wants to cover him and meet him at his Point of Need even tho' he'll always be a Vulnerable Adult unable to support himself.
"I could never do what you do" always sticks so hard in my craw.
I have Federici on my TBR people and keep telling myself to shift her up because she's coming up more and more in things I'm listening to and reading.
That lawyer. I just. Can't. I'm so sorry. I am filled with rage on your behalf, much good that it does. I wish our rage could effect change.