Top Ten Things NOT to Say to a MoFaCa**
I couldn’t do what you do.
You’re my hero. (unless you’re in the trenches with said hero)
God never gives you what you can’t handle.
God sent you an angel because you are an angel.
What are you doing for YOU?
There’s a special place in heaven for folks like you.
Can’t They give her something for those or that?
Is this medically necessary?
Have you ever thought about putting her into a home?
Aren’t there any places where you could drop her off for the afternoon or overnight so you can get away and do something for YOU?
MoFaCas’ Suggested Responses to Top Ten Things NOT to Say to a MoFaCa
Probably not, but I could use some help.
No response. This is like responding to President Joe Biden’s recent description of us as “devoted” persons. Empty words.
Yes, “He” (and it’s always a “He” with this sort of god, right?) most certainly does. “She” wouldn’t.
No, we’re not.
Crying in the shower, drinking, shooting heroin, prostituting myself (lots of fun possibilities here).
I’ll save you a spot if you want to pitch in and help. Venmo works.
Something, something, maybe we’ll ask Them about something.
No, we’re getting a PET scan and thinking about brain surgery because we think it’d be neat for our baby.
Not really, how about you? Have you ever thought about putting [insert name of person’s child] into a home?
Um, no.
Three Cool Links
The Caregivers’ Living Room a blog by Donna Thomson
A Life Beyond Reason: A Disabled Boy and His Father’s Enlightenment , a memoir by Chris Gabbard
Who Lives Like This? a podcast by Jason Lehmbeck and yours truly
P.S. I’m looking for contributors to this space — those of you who are caring for a family member — old, young, disabled, abled — send me an email if you have something to say or if you have any interesting resources to share!
*NaFaCaMo = National Family Caregivers Month
**MoFaCa: say it out loud and you’ll get the drill
The truth? Sometimes I worry I will say the wrong thing even with the right heart, and so I don't say anything at all. Also the truth? I love you.
As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself (comment started and disappeared) ... you've really got me thinking about what I could possibly do to help my sister and her husband with their son, when I'm around their city. It seems like there is nothing -- but I could just sit with him and let the two of them go for a walk or a bite to eat, couldn't I? Thanks for that and the link to Donna's blog. -Kate