Ok, the first thing is cursing will only work for so long. So, enjoy the long. Second thing, which my recent, as in the last 5 days, visit to my 95 year old aunt has made me understand--don't put off knee replacement shit because at 95 the thing that stops her moving around more (and has stopped her for years--though clearly, at 95 it's a moot point) are her knees. OK, OK, she's not caretaking anyone but herself and her two (now fat) cats. So yes, the plan for knee replacement is VERY complicated and expensive for you, and I've heard, not pain free for awhile. You've clearly thought it all through. I don't have advice, just being a witness to myself and others in our aging and caregiving capacities. Lady Justice is not balanced on her scales.
My mother-in-law had both her hips replaced in her 30s (she was born with a form of infantile arthritis), but didn't have her ankles and knees replaced until her 60s/70s. She should get her shoulders done but the recovery would probably do her in too much. Anyway, the ankles in particular were full of these struggles. She wasn't caregiving for anyone; it was simply "where do you find the 6 months' minimum needed to recover from one surgery and how much help do you need during that time and is it realistic to expect that kind of time for two ankles in the same year?" kinds of questions. And that is in the UK where she has the National Health Service at least paying for it and the rehabilitation time. A knee replacement feels like such a commonplace thing almost these days, but like so much else it's dependent on having the time and space and support for the recovery, as well as the finances or insurance to pay for it, and that's before even considering what your body is needed for with regards to caring for someone else. (Something I've been thinking a lot about these days, all that women's bodies are in service of.)
My knees will happily sit down for a whimper session with your knees.
I hope you have friends that can help out a little. I stayed at my friends house for two weeks when she had both knees done, they got her moving around pretty quickly after surgery, with the help of a walker. Still, I’m glad I was there to do all the heavy housework and cooking . I can imagine how you feel with responsibilities for Sophie weighing on you. If you decide to do a go fund me, I will gladly donate. I wish I was closer so I could offer some physical help in person.
It's overwhelming to even think about, the logistics. When Katie still lived at home, I often wondered what would happen to our house of cards if I got sick. Thankfully, that never happened.
I have no answers but if it needs to be done, younger is better than older for you. Your recovery will be shorter and you'll have more pain free years ahead of you. A guy at work had both his knees done just before covid and he came through the surgery fine and his knees are goo now. He's sixty-two now.
I'm pretty sure with you circle of friends, there would be people willing to help you out. And you wouldn't be managing anything from your bed. They get you up and walking pretty damn quick because bedrest comes with it's own risks.
I'm glad the swearing helped. I encourage all of my patients to swear as well:)
As one still hobbling around with the pain, yes cursing does help. So does fatalistic resignation. Neither is ideal. Both curtail life. I am told knee replacement would be life changing. But yes, the recovery, the expense, and the highest mountain, figuring out Sophie’s care. I wish I could help you there. But do it if you can swing it. I’m speaking to myself too.
Ok, the first thing is cursing will only work for so long. So, enjoy the long. Second thing, which my recent, as in the last 5 days, visit to my 95 year old aunt has made me understand--don't put off knee replacement shit because at 95 the thing that stops her moving around more (and has stopped her for years--though clearly, at 95 it's a moot point) are her knees. OK, OK, she's not caretaking anyone but herself and her two (now fat) cats. So yes, the plan for knee replacement is VERY complicated and expensive for you, and I've heard, not pain free for awhile. You've clearly thought it all through. I don't have advice, just being a witness to myself and others in our aging and caregiving capacities. Lady Justice is not balanced on her scales.
My mother-in-law had both her hips replaced in her 30s (she was born with a form of infantile arthritis), but didn't have her ankles and knees replaced until her 60s/70s. She should get her shoulders done but the recovery would probably do her in too much. Anyway, the ankles in particular were full of these struggles. She wasn't caregiving for anyone; it was simply "where do you find the 6 months' minimum needed to recover from one surgery and how much help do you need during that time and is it realistic to expect that kind of time for two ankles in the same year?" kinds of questions. And that is in the UK where she has the National Health Service at least paying for it and the rehabilitation time. A knee replacement feels like such a commonplace thing almost these days, but like so much else it's dependent on having the time and space and support for the recovery, as well as the finances or insurance to pay for it, and that's before even considering what your body is needed for with regards to caring for someone else. (Something I've been thinking a lot about these days, all that women's bodies are in service of.)
My knees will happily sit down for a whimper session with your knees.
I hope you have friends that can help out a little. I stayed at my friends house for two weeks when she had both knees done, they got her moving around pretty quickly after surgery, with the help of a walker. Still, I’m glad I was there to do all the heavy housework and cooking . I can imagine how you feel with responsibilities for Sophie weighing on you. If you decide to do a go fund me, I will gladly donate. I wish I was closer so I could offer some physical help in person.
Xoxo
Barbara
The impossible conundrums. I have no answers. I can only say that I love and adore you, that above all I will laugh and curse with you.
It's overwhelming to even think about, the logistics. When Katie still lived at home, I often wondered what would happen to our house of cards if I got sick. Thankfully, that never happened.
I have no answers but if it needs to be done, younger is better than older for you. Your recovery will be shorter and you'll have more pain free years ahead of you. A guy at work had both his knees done just before covid and he came through the surgery fine and his knees are goo now. He's sixty-two now.
I'm pretty sure with you circle of friends, there would be people willing to help you out. And you wouldn't be managing anything from your bed. They get you up and walking pretty damn quick because bedrest comes with it's own risks.
I'm glad the swearing helped. I encourage all of my patients to swear as well:)
Sending hugs and love.
As one still hobbling around with the pain, yes cursing does help. So does fatalistic resignation. Neither is ideal. Both curtail life. I am told knee replacement would be life changing. But yes, the recovery, the expense, and the highest mountain, figuring out Sophie’s care. I wish I could help you there. But do it if you can swing it. I’m speaking to myself too.
You are in a tough position -- duh. No advice from me, just love and empathy.