29 Comments
Jan 25, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

I'm not sure what relentless means but um Jesus had righteous anger and Jesus TWICE beat the money changers at the temple with a whip. So I gotta say righteous anger is a sermon I'd like to hear, and yes just before the pandemic my own father got his own house, my parents divorced......I have anger some righteous and probably some because I am confused about the whole thing. Never been to my Dad's house and my Mom makes minimum wage taking care of me. I mean we get by, I don't understand everything. Meanwhile fancy moulded wheelchair became to big for my 42 pound self and my movement took my skin off. Well I got a tilt in space wheelchair for children from China, yeah. I'm blind but my Mom and I got it together, my torso is a little short but I haven't gotten sores.....we weren't waiting over a year for another government chair there's something a little ridiculous about it not going to be sized appropriately but it will be age appropriate, whatever that is exactly??? Don't they realize that they'll save money on all of the smaller people, not to mention the wounds. Anyway I was angry they wouldn't get the right size, why not??? what is red tape? Ugh!!

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Jessica, it's lovely to see you here again and to get an update. I am glad you have found your "voice" in the truth you speak.

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This last weekend I was away with some friends, and during a conversation I mentioned that I am full of simmering rage all the time. My friends were surprised. I was surprised that they were surprised. How are they not full of simmering rage all the time? Or maybe it’s because it was me and I always seem so nice. Maybe they will stage an intervention for my rage.

Join you how? In reading, or in smashing the patriarchy and all the Other Things? In either case, yes.

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It's an enormous stove with burners for all of us simmering away.

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Mine is a gigantic bonfire in the middle of a clearing, roaring eternally, that burns nothing of the forest but instead the pillars of all the institutions I carry back from the outside world to throw onto the conflagration.

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My god, yes. The slave patrols/police institution among them.

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That brings to mind all the fantasy novels I’ve ever loved. Maybe there’s something universal to the underlying human story about conflagration and the evils that keep trying to overcome us.

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I'm picturing a big old cooking wood stove where you have to build a fire inside and it's roaring hot and you have to use levers to lift the iron burners off. That's a cookstove I can get behind right now.

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Also, stay tuned for the discussion group. I'm not sure yet what I'll do...

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I'm not in a rush! But am here for all of it. ❤️‍🔥

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Jan 25, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

Yes I will 100% join you. I have been thinking so much about this and fuck it. I want to read your anger and I want us to be free to rage. Xoxo

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I'll keep you posted, dear Sara.

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Jan 29, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

I will join you! What a list. What a reframe for anger. Relentlessness. Yes!

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I love that: a reframe for anger.

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There is a lot of anger in my grief, and it has come as a surprise to me--a welcome surprise. Anger has energy in it, and I needed to call bullshit on all the lies we live with and accept--like I'm-so-sorry-for-your-loss coming out of the mouths of the many people/entities I had to deal with when my wife died and I had to--in my grief--make phone calls to take care of the business of death. Your anger and your ability to express it in word and action has opened my eyes and made me much less accepting of the bullshit I thought I had to live with--and accept as if it's ok for one of my wife's doctors to turn over a bill to a collection agency even before the hospital squared things with her insurance company. I was so naive to think that people who run a hospice are closer to their own humanity than most. Well, I found out that business is business and that businesses--and other institutions, like hospitals--are focused first on the needs of the business and second on the system they put in place to not get sued. None of it is about me or you or being broken-hearted or being exhausted. Whatever you do, Elizabeth, I'm always interested in reading about it, in reading your words. Much love coming your way.

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I am so sorry, Verna. What the fuck. I hope you'll bring your exquisite heart and anger to this group, if I can figure out how to do it.

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Jan 25, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

<crying in Idahonian re: cannabis laws> What are the bulbs? That play, Medea has come up in the weirdest ways in my life. Maybe i should read it.

The relentlessness of the problem is the problem, though, yeah? Guess we just have to hope our spirits are more relentless than the most relentless thing or something.

Gahl. Can't believe he dragged you to court. What a dickbag move. I'd totally clobber him for you. Have no idea how you could ever forgive that.

Pretty sure Jesus appeared to the women first for good reason. Do you mean the way forgiveness is mandated that reinforces the patriarchy and supports d-bag eggplants? I can only hope grace and forgiveness transcend any current or future power structure. I'll need lots for sure. (Hopefully not as much as your dickwad ex, but still lots! Ha- jkjkjk)

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Jan 25, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

Relentless defined as unbroken.

"Sometimes, death is close or danger beckons or violence is threatened or enacted."

A weary but powerful and timely voice from the past caught my attention this week. Unbroken clarity against all odds. Refusing to be silenced while alive. Using his anger brilliantly and speaking truth to power.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xsbt3a7K-8

*

"All the time, the tone is incantatory or staccato or filled with melancholy recognitions."

Now Ocean Vuong is coming to mind. Unbroken. He says, “Anger is energy – you can get a lot done with anger; you can write multiple books.”

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Thank you for these quotes and links. I will check out the link -- I love that Ocean Vuong!

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I'm here for it.

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Jan 25, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

I’ll join you! I’ve spent the past 20 years untangling myself from deep grief, fury, incredulity. Getting the to the roots of it starts with intention and requires curiosity and a ton of self compassion.

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Jan 25, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

Oh yes. Oh yes.

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Stay tuned.

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Jan 25, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

Elizabeth, I'm interested. I've been told by every therapist I've seen that I need to get in touch with my anger but nada. I don't know what that looks like. I've been taking care of people (mother, two husbands) with mental illness whose skill was making me feel like the crazy one. Anger has always felt dangerous to me.

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Stay tuned!

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Jan 25, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

Women, me, have been told anger is wrong. I have to look at my anger; if it comes from fear, I want to understand. If my anger comes from dealing with bullshit, why can't I get angry? I take it out on my shoulders, my back, that's where I carry my anger and according to the pain in my shoulders and back, I am fucking angry. I love my husband but he is a fucking dinosaur and I can see why his previous wives left him. He does nothing around the house, NOTHING! And I put up with it and that makes me angry at myself, as well as him. We have an almost four year old now and still he does nothing. When Jack came to live with us, I made up a list of the chores in the house and presented it to him. He said, "No, I'm not going to do that.", and I accepted that.

My advice, burn it all down. That's what I feel like doing some days. And thank you for letting me vent.

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I smell smoke.

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Jan 25, 2023Liked by Elizabeth Aquino

Anger is s tough emotion I find. My anger has left me largely in an isolated state as I barrel toward 60. That makes me angry of course. I have never been good at simply being angry at others and situations, it has always always poured back into me too, at me. Me angry at me. Its intensity can (and fair enough) scare others off. I listened to a podcast series about the father of a severely disabled young man. He had no (visible) anger and I thought okay, that is a viable option too. I suspect his brain is wired to be calmer than mine. Anger I find often feels entitled to express itself all over everyone else moreso than most other negative emotions. I don't think we need to forgive our oppressor or dump our anger everywhere and say that is just fine. It is hard. I recommend the writer and doctor Gabor Mate

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Thanks, Barb.

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